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I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. They haven't shared the same live experiences, they'll soon want different things, etc. I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that, even if they are truly in love, she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on things girls her age do like university, traveling, and building a career. I just think that, at their ages, they cannot possibly have anything in common.

I know its only 8 years difference but it's the difference between him being at an age where he must be thinking about starting a family, marriage, etc and her starting out in life. Do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together? Based on the logic, it shows that "Reductio ad absurdum." I was 19 and ran off with a 27 year old woman from America. My mother disowned me and we didn't speak for a year. I was reckless and foolish and as an adult 20 years later I can easily recognize this.

She continues because the feelings she has are too strong. But I would be careful in how you deliver your feelings. Outline your concerns but let your daughter know you love and support her and that it is only natural for you to be worried.

Recognize the powerful grip the 25 yr old has and that is normal. I would try and create a containment bubble around a situation you have limited control over but in reality you do have a way to contain the situation. Reinforce her education about the risks of getting pregnant and maybe set some soft rules like 'education comes first' Maybe she is in sixth form. It could be that the relationship is successful but if something goes wrong be sure she knows you are there for her if things collapse.

Being the older, wiser man is a power trip for him.

And that's all about , the said power trip he is getting off on should be overt.

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